Huge Response to Good Question On Parenting
I got a ton of e-mail responses to the good question about why many parents seem likely to blindly support their kids rather than supporting schools. First: an anecdote. When I was in first grade I got a pink slip because I was caught throwing a piece of food in the cafeteria. I brought it home, and my mom told me if I got in trouble again, she would haul me to school and spank my bare butt in front of all the teachers. And she meant it. I never got in trouble again. I wonder what the reaction would be today.Here are some of your thoughts: (and feel free to e-mail your ideas)
UPDATE: More e-mails here.
David: “Personally, I think it’s partially a class issue as it seems to be more prevalent in higher income school districts. As for “When”; while growing up, having friends that went to Blake and other private schools; I can say it’s been happening my whole life. Maybe it’s just now that society has become so litigious and the media is more pervasive in our lives that the behavior is noticed more.”
Ang: “It seems parents these days do not want to admit to their own or their child’s faults so they pass the blame on teachers, schools, other kids, other kids’ parents, etc. All I know is that parenting has changed over the generations and it’s all just too soft on the kids anymore.”
Lucy (a teacher):”It is a good question, and a difficult one to answer because it is hard to pinpoint “when” because there are so many factors involved. I would narrow the problem down to “unfulfilled expectations”. Parents, teachers, students, and the larger society all have expectations for the development of childrens’ education, and many of these expectations do not coincide. Teachers expect parents to teach their children how to behave in public, and parents expect teachers to teach their children how to behave in school. It is easy for a to blame a teacher for problems in the classroom when a) the parent doesn’t see the teacher as a figure of authority and b) associates the teacher with the image of a bad teacher.”
Marcus (another teacher): “The baby boomers were given almost everything. So their children were given money and “things”. So what can the next generation give to the kids if they already have everything? Support and “freedom.” Their parents were locked up under the rules, so they decided to relax. Now, another reason is because so many parents want to be friends with their kids. The parents are afraid of the child saying, “I don’t like you…you’re not cool.” The final reason: the parents also want to save their own face. Their kids were suspended, and they are afraid that their friends, family, and neighbors will say, “Oh…it’s bad parenting that led to that.” It unfortunately shows how self-involved and egotistical we have become. It’s the ME Generation gone horribly wrong.”
Brock (another teacher): “Often parents hear one thing from the student and never ask questions of the school. It is easy to jump to conclusions when you don’t walk in the door to find out what really happened. Talking to a teen requires a filter and the ability to see the agenda in the telling. They might not say “I skipped class with my friends”, but they will say “we protested inequity.” In some cases I have tried to problem solve with parents and it seems that they defend their children to the hilt because they don’t have any other sort of relationship and trust-building activities. In essence, they defend them because they do not spend time with them other wise.”
David twittered: “parents blame schools because they dont want to be held responsible for their parenting shortcomings.”
And Jason had the counter-point: in this tweet: “How many parents actually blame schools? Is this incident an anomaly, or is there a real trend? I question the question.”
Want more discussion? Check out MNSpeak.com or Metroblogging Twin Cities.